Mar 21·edited Mar 21Liked by Tanya Meeson

What stood out for me this week was the question "If I weren't so cheap, I'd... " Oh boy!

My parents had weird relationships with money. My mother treated it like it was burning a hole in her palm and any coin (in fact any thing) my father has let go of has claw-marks in it (the marriage didn't last long). I have consciously tried to cultivate a more balanced relationship with money that lies between these two extremes, but I realise as I write this that both behaviours have the underlying anxiety... money is dangerous. Dad: "Money is a corruptor, but I need it, so I bitterly resent it and people who have it, but I must hold on to it, because there is never enough" Mom: "I still yearn for the feeling of being rescued from my childhood poverty and abandonment. I refuse to be financially stable and independant and miss out on that feeling, so I am keeping that vacancy open."

I don't yet know what these things mean for me now, but it is brewing, for sure. Once I got beyond the resistance (I'm NOT Cheap!) and then shame (Ok, maybe a little) that question evoked, I eventually really enjoyed answering it and I'm doing little chuck outs and bought some new things I've been meaning to for my home - Significantly, some velvet cushions like the ones my partner has - which I've been coveting for a while. It feels good and right to just get on with getting them for myself.

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