The past two weeks have been the hardest for me in this process. I've hit a stretch of what feels like inner work fatigue, probably because I am Also doing some grueling excavations in therapy.
So I am quite behind with AW, but what stood out for me in this chapter was jealousy. It was quite useful to deliberately focus on that infuriatingly brilliant local landscape designer I sort of reluctantly follow on instagram who had all the resources growing up - all the universtiy training I couldn't afford and support as well as exposure to the industry from a young age, which I wish I'd had and imagine I'd be further along, etc... and so I felt all my many feels about it.
Out the other side of that is perhaps a little more acceptance and together with exploring what feels rich for me in the pages, some passion towards ideas which feel innovative and fresh.
I was talking about this exact thing with my sister this week: jealousy/comparison around all the resources and connections some people appear (more than "appear", do) have laid out from the start. But something else, beyond the resources and the connections, has become clear to me. While I've dithered about claiming space in my chosen field (is this for me? am I allowed? is this crazy?) and looked at those resources and connections as *the* main barrier between my (perceived) experience and theirs, I've come to see that the biggest difference is something very much in my control: these "others" I'm usually looking at are 100% clear about who they are and what they're doing. at least to the outside world. they're not dithering or insecure or shy about their light; they just fucking shine it.
The past two weeks have been the hardest for me in this process. I've hit a stretch of what feels like inner work fatigue, probably because I am Also doing some grueling excavations in therapy.
So I am quite behind with AW, but what stood out for me in this chapter was jealousy. It was quite useful to deliberately focus on that infuriatingly brilliant local landscape designer I sort of reluctantly follow on instagram who had all the resources growing up - all the universtiy training I couldn't afford and support as well as exposure to the industry from a young age, which I wish I'd had and imagine I'd be further along, etc... and so I felt all my many feels about it.
Out the other side of that is perhaps a little more acceptance and together with exploring what feels rich for me in the pages, some passion towards ideas which feel innovative and fresh.
I was talking about this exact thing with my sister this week: jealousy/comparison around all the resources and connections some people appear (more than "appear", do) have laid out from the start. But something else, beyond the resources and the connections, has become clear to me. While I've dithered about claiming space in my chosen field (is this for me? am I allowed? is this crazy?) and looked at those resources and connections as *the* main barrier between my (perceived) experience and theirs, I've come to see that the biggest difference is something very much in my control: these "others" I'm usually looking at are 100% clear about who they are and what they're doing. at least to the outside world. they're not dithering or insecure or shy about their light; they just fucking shine it.